The Power of Authenticity
The lowest hanging fruit you haven't picked.
If you're like me, you've experienced moments in life when you weren't comfortable in your own skin. Moments when you pretended to be who you weren't because you thought the world expected you to be different.
Whether it was a blind date, a conversation with your boss, or a highly filtered Instagram post, you've felt that sense of discomfort that comes with knowing your actions weren't aligned with your identity. It pricked at your conscience but protected your ego.
The gurus of yesteryear proposed a simple solution to this inner discord - be authentic.
But what does that mean? And how will it help?
In this short essay, I'll explore the answers to three questions:
What is authenticity?
Why is authenticity a winning strategy?
How can you become more authentic?
In about 6 minutes, you will have a deeper understanding of authenticity and its implications on the rest of your life.
What is authenticity?
Authenticity is behaving like you would if you weren't bothered about conforming.
When you're authentic, your actions are aligned with your beliefs and desires. You aren’t bothered by who people expect you to be; you're just yourself.
Initially, authenticity is uncomfortable.
Like the first 10 seconds of a cold shower, it'll make you feel like you shouldn't be doing what you're doing. Just like a cold shower - once you're past the initial discomfort, authenticity is refreshing - both for you and for the people you interact with.
Authenticity is usually messy.
If you've been on an 'authentic' holiday to any city in the world, you've probably visited pristine city centers and also walked through smelly back alleys.
Just like these cities, you've got parts of your identity that you'd rather keep hidden. You're not perfect, even if your ego likes to convince you that you are.
An authentic person is not afraid of their weaknesses. Their insecurities are on display, along with their strengths. It's what makes them whole.
Why is authenticity a winning strategy?
Who do you find more authentic?
Steve Jobs or Bill Gates
Mitt Romney or Barack Obama
Your Best Friend or Your Worst Enemy
To understand why authentic people tend to get ahead in life, you must first understand trust and its role in the world. Whether it's a sale you're trying to make, a campaign you’re running, a partner you're planning on proposing to, or advice that you're giving a friend - your word carries as much value as the amount of trust other people have in you.
Life is an experience filled with professional and personal interactions, and trust is a leverage point in all of these interactions.
Trust can be built in 2 ways:
Consistency of experience over time
Costly, hard-to-fake signals
Authenticity increases trust in both these ways.
1. Authenticity and consistency
If you're authentic, your actions are aligned with your beliefs and desires. These beliefs and desires are slow to change and sometimes remain unchanged for years on end. As a result, your actions and personality remain consistent for years on end.
When you have a consistent personality, people know what to expect. And when their expectations are met, their trust in you increases.
Another benefit of being authentically yourself is you don't have to keep track of the person you're pretending to be. Your personality doesn't change based on whether you're surrounded by your colleagues or your cousins.
2. Authenticity and costly, hard-to-fake signals
Authenticity occasionally reveals vulnerability. Vulnerability is a signal that you trust a fellow human not to harm you. You are vulnerable when you lower your defenses, allowing others to take advantage of you but hoping that they won't. In other words, you trust others in the hope that they won’t harm you. This creates conditions for reciprocal trust. A show of vulnerability can go horribly wrong, but that's what makes it powerful. It is a costly signal that builds trust precisely because of its potential downside.
Let's take a breather and summarize what we've covered so far:
Authenticity is behaving like you would if you weren't bothered about conforming.
Initially, authenticity is uncomfortable.
Authenticity is usually messy.
Authenticity is a winning strategy because it helps build trust through consistency and vulnerability.
Now let's figure out how to become more authentic.
What can you do to become more authentic?
Becoming authentic is a long journey, but the bulk of the work is frontloaded.
Here are four tips to help you become more authentic.
1. Develop self-awareness
Self-awareness is the first step to authenticity. If you do not know who you are, you will not know when a need for conformity drives your behavior. You can develop self-awareness by spending time alone with your thoughts, writing (I'd suggest using a tool like the one on https://www.selfauthoring.com/), or reflecting on your actions immediately after they occur.
2. Realize that nobody cares as much as you do
Stop worrying about other peoples' opinions of you. Nobody cares about you as much as you do. Everybody is so worried about being judged themselves that they're immediately drawn to anyone who isn't. Change your mindset from one of fear to one of opportunity.
3. Embrace the initial discomfort
Any journey worth taking comes with its share of discomfort. Authenticity is no exception. Mentally prepare yourself for some painful moments in the first few weeks of your journey. Like everything else in life, this too will pass.
4. Spend time with authentic people
You become similar to the people you spend time with. Spend time with that friend who always speaks her mind or the cousin who isn't afraid to try new things and risk making a fool of himself in public. Their confidence and candor will rub off on you eventually.
Authenticity accelerates the development of trust.
Trust is a leverage point in any interaction.
Interactions are what make up most of our lives.
As long as human interactions exist, authenticity will continue to be a superpower that is within your reach.
It is the lowest hanging fruit you haven’t picked yet.
All you have to do is reach for it.
If you’re curious about Self-Improvement, Psychology, and Philosophy, leave your email below. I send out an article every fortnight that you’ll enjoy reading.